Ahhh 13….I will be honest, this will not be the highlight of your life. You are getting into your awkward stages, you’re maybe getting your braces off or even getting them put on, and middle school is weird. When I think back to that time in my life I remember becoming friends with a lot of girls I am still friends with to this day, I remember starting to have crushes on boys, and also wanting a cell phone more than anything. This was back in 2007 so cell phones were a thing BUT no kids had them. This was pre Facebook and Instagram and Twitter. There was Myspace though and AIM….of which I was not allowed to have.
As I said above, this is a weird time…you are finding yourself. When I was 13 the style was Hollister and Abercrombie and wearing 12 camis on top of each other…why???
At 13 you’re going to be finding who you are as a person, you want to fit in and probably my number one worry was not being able to fit in. I will let you guys in on a secret, girls are mean from a young age, boys can be mean from a young age, but it’s about starting with yourself. Confidence is a HUGE factor at this age, I had boys calling me chubby and girls making up rumors that is just going to happen, but what shouldn’t happen is letting it get to you. All of these problems you are going through right now in a few days or a month will not be a problem. I heard a piece of advice from someone once and they said “will this problem affect you a year from now?” “If no let it go and if yes think of a positive solution.”
I remember when friends would be mean back then and I thought my world was crashing beneath me, but in reality it wasn’t an issue an hour later. Or you find out your crush doesn’t like you back…his loss! As my mom always said “boys are dumb throw rocks at them”. At this time in your life focus on yourself. Focus on being a NICE person….I can not stress this enough. Be nice to everyone around you. Every single person is dealing with the same issues you are right now so being nice will get you far. Unless a boy calls you fat….then tell him to f off. I remember being friends with a ton of different people because that was just the type of person I was! No one likes a mean person and it will not get you anywhere, it will make people dislike you which in return will make for a very dramatic and add a lot of extra stress on your plate. Do we all have moments? YES
The next most important piece of advice is LOVE YOURSELF. START NOW…yes your body is going through weird stages, your just getting boobs and maybe have glasses and braces (which back then I wanted so bad…also why??) and your skin may have some acne. BUT all of this will get better. DON’T LISTEN TO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOU…oh that girl said you were ugly? Oh that boy thinks you’re chubby or too skinny? You didn’t get invited to that sleepover everyone is going to? WHO CARES. Let it roll off your back as hard as it sounds, because you aren’t ugly, you aren’t chubby, or too skinny, you are beautiful. Inside and OUT. I always say hurt people hurt people.
DON’T GIVE IN TO PEER PRESSURE!!! This is a time when kids start experimenting. DO NOT be one of them. Kids will do bad things and when it starts at 13 it can RUIN your life. I know I am sounding like a mom here but I am serious. Let’s say you are hanging out with friends and one of them stole their parents vodka, they just want you to “try” it. NO smoking? NO sex NO!!! At 13 you do NOT understand what the consequences are and they are bad. I NEVER gave into peer pressure….maybe I am too good of a goody two shoes but I would rather be that then have tried something and it lead to an addiction or worse. I still to this day have never tried weed, yes maybe its legal in some states but no thanks! I got made fun of for not drinking and doing drugs in high school and it continued into college! People will always try and get you to do bad things, be strong enough to say no. There will be a time and place for all of that and it is not at 13 years old.
SOCIAL MEDIA….dear god this is my number one fear when having children. Yes there was a form of social media when I was 13 but it is NOTHING like it is now. First off, do I think kids before 18 should have it? No. But thats how it is and it’s scary. PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET are not your friends!!!! If you have not met them before in person DO NOT accept their friend requests, don’t accept their messages, etc. The internet is a scary scary place now. I can not tell you how many horror stories I have heard with things starting on the internet. Trust no one. You are 13, there is no reason to be speaking to someone you don’t know even if they seem nice. The internet lets people speak their mind, the good the bad and the ugly. I am 25 and comments still hurt my feelings sometimes. People can make fake accounts just to be mean to you. As hard as it is to not let mean comments hurt you that is not always the case. People can hide behind a screen so easily and they can say mean things because it isn’t to your face.
Also as much as I hate this boys are going to ask for nude pictures, moms if your reading this I am sorry but it happens. Be strong enough to tell them NO. Like I said social media was around back then but it is nothing like it is now and I THANK GOD for that. First of all, now you can be arrested for something like this so keep that in mind and ALSO it will get around to everyone. I don’t care if this boy is your boyfriend, your family best friend, DO NOT DO IT. Which brings me to my next point…dating. I laugh when I think of my boyfriends back then we would meet out by the buses and hug goodbye but would barely talk to each other. They were silly, fun but silly. I had some friends who were not so lucky though and had mean relationships even starting at 13. If a boy (or girl) is mean to you, you NEED to tell your parents. This is not normal behavior and it needs to be addressed.
Your reputation starts now and never goes away. You do not want to be remembered as something bad. Be remembered as the nice girl, the friend, the light in the room. That was something my mom drilled into my head because people do not forget. You are in charge of your reputation, make it a good one.
DO NOT be afraid to tell your parents things. I was very lucky to have supportive parents and I am very thankful for that. Some people aren’t so lucky but if you are ever in a situation you feel uncomfortable in FOR ANY REASON. Tell someone, a friend, a parent, a grandparent, ANYONE. You are NOT alone. Be strong enough to have a voice and if there is a situation and your mind is saying “hmmm this doesn’t feel right” its because your mind is right. Never be afraid to stand up for yourself or your friends. This isn’t an easy time and you need each other. Being 13 kinda sucks but I was laughing with a friend yesterday and I asked what her advice is and literally we both said “it gets better”. This isn’t forever, you wont be awkward forever, you won’t have these friends forever, you wont be in middle school forever (sorry high school kinda sucks too) and this too shall pass.
BUT enjoy it!!! Have fun with friends, be carefree, enjoy being a kid because it doesn’t last forever!! I have so many fun and amazing memories from being in middle school and laughing with friends is the best medicine. Find a hobby, play sports, go to the movies, start babysitting, KEEP BUSY. Sports brought me so many friends and taught discipline. I played Lacrosse, I cheered, and I also tried out field hockey. Find what you love to do and find what you are good at!
I hope if you are a mom of a 13 year old or are around 13 yourself this helps.
Moms, have some grace this isn’t an easy time for either of you. I am not a mom yet but having a mom who was open with me about EVERYTHING was a game changer. I didn’t have to hide things from her or be afraid to tell her things. We talked through my problems, she punished me when needed, but at the end of the day you want whats best for them. Being the mean mom who is strict and not open to talking about sex or drugs or alcohol is going to make them want to experiment. Let them know the dangers, but be open to talking about everything.
Girls, be nice to your moms. It isn’t always easy for them either. Don’t scream you hate them, don’t disobey their rules, and be your best self. They only want what’s best for you and are looking out for you. There is a reason they say no to going to a strangers house, there is a reason they ground you, there is a reason for everything they do. Did I want to punch my mom sometimes? Hell yes. But looking back at everything she was always right. Moms know best unfortunately!
Love yourselves girls….we run the world and there is a whole life ahead of you!!
Now enjoy these photos of me around 12-14…..
xx, Em